He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
