I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
