the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
