And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
