Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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