Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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