Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Randomize
