I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
