420 ftw
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
