I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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