just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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