her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
