her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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