You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
