Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
