yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
