We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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