i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
