apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
