I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
