remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
