Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
