...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
