If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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