You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
