why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
