I need help removing her.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Found the puke drawer
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
