I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
