I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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