We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
