I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
