dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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