piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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