I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
