Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
