Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
