apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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