my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
