Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
