i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
