11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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