1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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