He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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