operation harelip BJ is a go
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
