apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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