I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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