My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
