My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
