she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
