he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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