...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
