Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
