God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
