that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize