You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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