Please, let me fuck your mom
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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