i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
