gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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