A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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