i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
