just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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