u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
