just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
