My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
