im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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