she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
