I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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