It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
