Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
