why didn't you poke me back
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
