is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize