Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
