how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
