You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
