We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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